When it comes to mixing humor and horror in fiction, the late, great Robert Bloch remains unsurpassed. The Psycho author also had a wicked gift for reeling off macabre/sardonic one-liners during interviews and within his nonfiction writing. I’ve gathered below six of his best examples of such wit, followed by quotes from various genre figures that slice a similar vein.

“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”

“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.”

“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.”

“So I had this problem–work or starve. So I thought I’d combine the two and decided to become a writer.”

“But Psycho did fix my image, for better or worse. For years afterward, many young ladies refused to take showers with me.”

“Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.”

 

“Blondes make the best victims. They’re like virgin snow that shows up the bloody footprints.” –Alfred Hitchcock

“Put another way, “Suffer the Little Children” is a ghastly sick-joke with no redeeming social merit whatever. I like that in a story.”  —Stephen King

“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” —Harlan Ellison

“The  way I see it, being dead is not terribly far off from being on a cruise ship. Most of your time is spent lying on your back. The brain has shut down. The flesh begins to soften. Nothing much new happens, and nothing is expected of you.” —Mary Roach

“1.If your car breaks down in the rain outside a spooky old house, sleep in the car.” —from “Victor Salva’s Ten Things We Have Learned From Horror Movies”

“Everybody is a book of blood; Wherever we’re opened, we’re red.” —Clive Barker